I've never had a boyfriend.
I've never been romantically involved with anyone.
So how am I still giving my heart away?
This is a question I've struggled with for a long time. Physical purity is pretty easy for me to maintain. But what about all that goes on inside of my head? Many people call this aspect of purity emotional purity.
I've just finished reading a book called, It's Not That Complicated, by Anna, Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. They point out that while violating emotional purity is not a sin listed in the Bible, it is a helpful classification of some sins we (especially girls) struggle with.
Emotional purity can include:
- Idolizing a guy/male attention (Ex. 20:4-6, Is. 44:9, Col 3:5)
- Lustful thoughts (Col. 3:5, 1Jn. 2:16)
- Discontentment (Pr. 19:23, Phil. 4:11-12)
So, how do we know when "liking" someone turns into a serious obsession? Again, the Botkin sisters had some helpful advice here. They list some indicators that our desires are becoming, well -- less than pure.
1. Seeking our will above God's
- Am I seeking romantic fulfillment before God's timing?
- Am I trying to write my own love story, instead of letting God take the pen?
2. Thinking we have a claim over a young man
- How would I feel if he expressed interest in another girl?
- Am I thinking possessively about him?
3. Building castles in the sky
- Am I planning out my future with this person?
- Do I spend most of my free time imagining my life with him?
4. Letting our brains go out the window
- Am I so focused on how I feel about this person that I ignore serious warning signs?
- Am I disobeying my parents, explicitly or implicitly, by my relationship with this person?
I've found that considering these points is usually enough to get my brain back on track. When my sinful thoughts are locked up inside me, and I don't consider what I'm actually doing to myself and others, it's hard for me to stop. But when I think about what I'm doing, and ask God to help me find my way out, he always provides.
Our hearts are hidden. Emotional sins don't seem that bad. After all, it's just a little daydream! But the Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)
I'm assuming most of you have read or memorized Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I recently realized that this verse directly applies to this topic! When we are constantly asking God for help, his peace will guard our hearts and our minds. I pray that this verse will speak to you as much as it has to me.
Written by Magali Laporte
2 comments:
I think this is SO true. I love what Eric and Leslie Ludy said, when they were talking about this topic at a conference here in KC......... God will never set you up with a guy who will draw you away from Him. That's how I've analyzed a lot of my crushes... in most situations, Jesus Christ wasn't the first thing that came to mind when I thought of them. Crushes can feel EXCRUCIATING. Some of you have heard this story...... my latest crush was a guy who I thought was incredibly attractive, and I was pretty much head-over-heels about him. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn't in love with this guy's heart... only his face. I just remember praying SO hard that God would take that from me completely, and two days later, the guy was out of my mind and Jesus Christ was back on the throne of my heart.
God will protect your heart........... but only if you're looking for that protection. He's not going to force Himself in; whether or not He enters our hearts if OUR choice.
Thank you SO much, Magali. I really needed to hear this today. God gives everyone different temperaments, with their advantages and their struggles, and I have found that one of the stumbling blocks my personality frequently presents me with that of obsessing over guys. As homeschoolers, I think we tend to have less trouble with the physical realm of purity, but that may only make the problem worse when it comes to emotional purity. I was never taught that emotional purity was something I should be protecting until very recently, so now I have bad habits to regress on, and have really been struggling with it lately. It's hard, especially when you know so many truly amazing, godly young men.
Like Hannah said, a good gauge is to see whether the guy draws you to God. There have been certain guys I've known, and I come away from them wanting to be holier. Wanting a more vibrant prayer life. My acquaintance with one guy (who probably never imagined he had this kind of influence) was what led me to sit down and get my entire Bible read through. But some guys just fill up your thoughts with thoughts about them.
Alphonsus de Liguori wrote this wonderful little piece called "Uniformity with God's Will" where he talks about hypotheticals. I know when I have a crush on guy, I think about him and all the little hypothetical situations that could arise. But de Ligouri says that this may be tempation from Satan (in this case, through damaging our emotional purity) and that we should "dismiss this temptation by saying, 'By God's grace, I would say or do what God would want me to say or do'" and think no more about it.
I was reading Psalm 37 this morning, and the verse that says, "Take delight in the LORD and He will fulfill the desires of your heart," really spoke to me. So often it's hard to let your desires for contentment, protection, and fulfillment be satiated by God alone. But if we are seeking to fulfill the desires of our hearts through our own plans, they won't be. We have to trust God (and boy, this is SO hard sometimes), and look only to Him for fulfillment of our desires. Even if His plan doesn't include marriage, only following His Will is truly going to fulfill what we really want.
Post a Comment