Why Did I Say That?

Words. They're so confusing, aren't they?  They can build people up, tear them down, change lives, and ruin them. They can send the right messages, send the wrong messages, and send unspoken messages by what's behind them.

And as NCFCAer's?  We use them a lot.  Tournaments are all about words..... the words we communicate to the judges, the words we tell ourselves before our rounds, the words we use when we talk to other competitors in the hallways in the hangout area, and the words we use to say good-bye.

Words are dangerous things. James compares the tongue to a rudder of a ship.... it's small, but it controls the entire direction of the ship. If the rudder doesn't follow the map, the whole ship is lost.

Words don't seem like a big deal. We use them so much, that, often, we don't even think about their full weight. But I think we've all felt the power of words, too. There are things people say that they don't even think twice about, but they enter our minds in a much different way.

I think the most confusing thing about words is that we never know how they're going to enter into another person's mind. How do we control it?  How do we know whether or not our words are going to encourage someone, or not help at all?  How do we know if a word of mutual support will strengthen someone, or cause them to think the wrong things?

It all comes down to another idea in the book of James: the words are only a result of what's on your heart. As humans, we can't guarantee that what we say will come off the right way when they reach the ears of others. We're not responsible for them; we're responsible for us. If your heart is in the right place, you can trust God to deal with the results. But where is your heart when you speak?

Words can be beautiful, and they can be deadly. I've brought people down further than I can imagine, with some of the words I've said. Words can't be made beautiful if they're of the world. The words of this world can never bring anything truly lasting, other than discouragement, pain, and distractions.

But Christians aren't supposed to be of the world. What if our hearts were actually of God?  Wouldn't it follow that our words would be, too?

I don't know how many of you remember the Council Bluffs tournament in 2012. Maybe it was just another tournament for you, maybe it was one of your best, and maybe it was your very first. But for me, it was possibly the most discouraging tournament of my life. Having done fairly well in the 2011 season, I guess I'd let my hopes get too high for 2012. I didn't break in LD that tournament, and I was crushed. I watched as one of my best friends excelled and ended up winning the whole tournament, as I sat quietly in the audience, trying not to cry, and hating myself for being so jealous. But, after awards, as I was standing in the foyer waiting for my ride to be ready to leave, Noah Stewart came up to me, and started talking to me. I was pretty uncomfortable, since I'd never talked to him before......and it definitely didn't help that he had nine medals hanging around his neck. ;)  But as I was getting ready to leave, he said, "Hey, by the way, congrats on Regionals last year!  That was awesome!"  I guarantee you, he doesn't remember saying that. But, two years later, I still haven't forgotten. It's so amazing how God can use words!

Last week, my beautiful "Spy-girl" sent me these thoughts she had written. I think it's so important to guard our motives, and make sure our hearts are in the right place, and I think these words sum it up perfectly:

Why did I say that?

I remember learning in my college communication class that people are constantly communicating with each other - whether or not they want to. At first I didn’t believe it but now I realize that its true. When you yawn, laugh, itch, talk, ignore, and sleep you are sending messages to others. But interestingly enough the most complicated form of communication is the most direct one: words. Anyone can learn to read your body language. Most people pick up on at least a part of that body language automatically. But words, although seemingly simple, have a hidden side to them. How often have you wondered if someone “really meant it” or what they were doing when you call and they say answer “nothing much?” 

Today has involved a lot of communication with words for me. I messaged my friend to say hi, I called my cousin to figure out a time to work on homework together, I talked to me family about a million things I can’t remember, and I had an online chat conversation with a friend miles away. (Oh, the wonders of technology. Sometimes you can’t remember if you said something face to face or through a computer screen.) I did a lot of communicating today but then I stopped and asked myself this simple question: Why did I say that? I didn’t ask this because I had said something I regretted, or something completely out of character. My communication was completely ordinary. But why did I say the things I said? Its an important question to ask yourself. Because I am starting to realize that in God’s eyes its even more important why you said something than what you said. 

I can’t speak for guys, but one of the first tip offs that a girl has a crush on someone is that she will be constantly bringing that guy into everyday conversation. It doesn’t matter if you are talking about the price of chicken, your aunts birthday party, or the current oil crisis, she will find a way to bring whoever that special someone is into the conversation. Although she may think she is sneaky, it soon becomes pretty obvious what is going on. She wants to talk about this guy and she has a reason for bringing him up - but what is that reason? Is she trying to glean information about him from others? Is she hoping that flattering remark will get back to him through the grape vine? Or is she truly so obsessed with the guy that everything reminds her of him? I don’t know. I think it varies from person to person. But I do know whatever that girl’s motivation for bringing a certain someone into the conversation is: it matters. It matters because ultimately why we do things is going to determine what we do. It matters because your hidden motives of what you say, realized or unrealized, will influence the effect those words have. It matters because God looks at the heart. 

So often I will worry about if I said the right thing. Did that comment come off the way I meant it to? Is it appropriate to tell a guy that? What if they misunderstood me? But when it comes down to it what we say is not as important as why we say it. People will misunderstand you all the time. But if you are striving to honor God through your words, and your intentions are correct, you will know in your heart you didn’t do anything wrong. Do you best to communicate honestly with the right intentions and let God manage the rest. 

Think back to the last thing you said. The last message you sent. The last phone call you made. 

The important question is not what you said. The important question is:

Why did I say that?