Failure and Fulfillment

We've all failed. Whether at sports, or cooking, or music, or friendships, or projects, or speech and debate.  I, for one, have failed multiple times at all of these things. Failed spectacularly and embarrassingly. I slip easily into the bog of self-pity, frustration, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.

When I fail, I push God away, and then wonder why he isn't there for me. Some days, it seems like a never ending struggle to trust God and let him help me. I pray this prayer,

"God, please take these thoughts away from me. Help me to turn my thoughts away from me and towards others. Help me to let you be enough for me today."

This came from a verse I found,

Psalm 73:26

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Whenever I slip into self pity and depression, I want to feel fulfilled in myself.

I wanted to know that I was perfect, that I was enough. I wasn't.

Then I found this verse,

Psalm 57:2

"I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me."

I was looking up "fulfillment"  in the concordance that day. I found that "fulfillment" in the Bible has nothing to do with our finite happiness.

It is the fulfillment of a promise,  purpose, or law:

Psalm 148:8

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; Your love, O LORD, endures forever - do not abandon the work of your hands."

God will not abandon you, the work of His hands, His daughter, His beloved, His Church.

Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

P.S. I still don't have it all together. I still fail. But now I can remember that God is my portion. He fulfills his purpose through my weakness. Think of Paul in the Bible. God used his weaknesses to help millions of people a thousand years after his death. God can use anyone and anything to fulfill His purpose for the world.

Written by Alyse Laporte