"Flirting is, in essence, drawing another person's attention toward you.
It is using your feminine power to entice another person to notice,
admire, or be attracted to you. It is putting your personality,
body, humor, and wit on display--playing a game
in which you score more points
in which you score more points
the more positive attention you receive from
the other person.
the other person.
Flirting, at its core, is based in selfishness."
-Leslie Ludy
Something inside me choked when I first read these words. Maybe because it was so direct... maybe because I'd never viewed flirting as a game.............. But mostly because it had described the way I related to every single guy I knew. I couldn't think of a single one of my male friends that I hadn't acted this way toward.
I had never consciously wanted to "flirt" with anyone. I'd tried to guard my physical interaction with guys, dress conservatively, and make sure I didn't encourage any stumbling when it came to boundaries. The physical side of my life was pure.
But what about my heart? Behind the Christian front of my purity, the deeper part of me was busy making sure I was noticed. If I wasn't, I would try harder until it worked. If it didn't, I would often give up and decide that this particular guy must have a burning disposition against me, and there was nothing more I could do.
At the heart of flirting, we find Christianity's arch nemesis: The flesh. Flirting is about propelling your image, not conforming to His. It attempts to focus the gaze of others on ourselves, not on Christ. It lives a life that can only bring temporary satisfaction to us, and can have devastating results. Instead of being a strong and pure sister, flirting provides us with a path to manipulate, distract, and even tempt our brothers in Christ. Instead of encouraging them to chase Jesus, we're inviting them to chase us. When we decide to flirt, we're not only submitting to the voice of our flesh, but we're making it much easier for the guys around us to submit to the voice of theirs.
When God confronted my heart about the fliratious attitudes I had carried with me for so many months, I was overwhelmed by a sense of guilt. I knew that some of the guys I had distracted had been making deliberate attempts to protect their hearts for their future wives, and pursue Jesus in a deeper way. Instead of strengthening them in this, I was becoming a weapon of the Enemy in their lives; I was more like the brazen woman who distracts and provokes the man depicted in Proverbs than the radiant portrayal of a set-apart woman in Proverbs 31.
I sat down that night, and actually wrote a letter to my brothers in Christ that I had had this attitude toward the most. (No, I never gave it to them, and I'm never planning to, but it served as a great reminder to my heart.) The letter apologized for trying to gain their attention, always wanting to be number one, for living under my flesh, and for the state of my heart.
On the opposite spectrum there's the almost equally unbiblical attitude of avoiding certain guys altogether. The Bible calls us to be pure in our interactions with the opposite gender, but does not demand that we stop these interactions completely. Paul's letters encourage brothers and sisters to work together and strengthen each other in Christ. We are even called to correct each other. Obviously, admonishing in love requires some level of trust and friendship. God never designed us to avoid guys completely.
I enjoy being around my guy friends. They're funny, and entertaining, and it does feel good to receive positive attention from them. But my goal is that, in these friendships, my heart would be selfless. I want the cross to gain more positive attention from them than I do. I want them to look at God more than they look at me, when we converse. I want Christ's life to radiate through me, and not just show off the simple, meaningless things that I have to offer in my own strength. My goal is to end the manipulation. To stop trying to turn their eyes. To encourage them with a pure heart in their walk with Jesus, and to be their sister in Christ, and not expect anything more.
Join me?
At the heart of flirting, we find Christianity's arch nemesis: The flesh. Flirting is about propelling your image, not conforming to His. It attempts to focus the gaze of others on ourselves, not on Christ. It lives a life that can only bring temporary satisfaction to us, and can have devastating results. Instead of being a strong and pure sister, flirting provides us with a path to manipulate, distract, and even tempt our brothers in Christ. Instead of encouraging them to chase Jesus, we're inviting them to chase us. When we decide to flirt, we're not only submitting to the voice of our flesh, but we're making it much easier for the guys around us to submit to the voice of theirs.
When God confronted my heart about the fliratious attitudes I had carried with me for so many months, I was overwhelmed by a sense of guilt. I knew that some of the guys I had distracted had been making deliberate attempts to protect their hearts for their future wives, and pursue Jesus in a deeper way. Instead of strengthening them in this, I was becoming a weapon of the Enemy in their lives; I was more like the brazen woman who distracts and provokes the man depicted in Proverbs than the radiant portrayal of a set-apart woman in Proverbs 31.
I sat down that night, and actually wrote a letter to my brothers in Christ that I had had this attitude toward the most. (No, I never gave it to them, and I'm never planning to, but it served as a great reminder to my heart.) The letter apologized for trying to gain their attention, always wanting to be number one, for living under my flesh, and for the state of my heart.
On the opposite spectrum there's the almost equally unbiblical attitude of avoiding certain guys altogether. The Bible calls us to be pure in our interactions with the opposite gender, but does not demand that we stop these interactions completely. Paul's letters encourage brothers and sisters to work together and strengthen each other in Christ. We are even called to correct each other. Obviously, admonishing in love requires some level of trust and friendship. God never designed us to avoid guys completely.
I enjoy being around my guy friends. They're funny, and entertaining, and it does feel good to receive positive attention from them. But my goal is that, in these friendships, my heart would be selfless. I want the cross to gain more positive attention from them than I do. I want them to look at God more than they look at me, when we converse. I want Christ's life to radiate through me, and not just show off the simple, meaningless things that I have to offer in my own strength. My goal is to end the manipulation. To stop trying to turn their eyes. To encourage them with a pure heart in their walk with Jesus, and to be their sister in Christ, and not expect anything more. Join me?
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