Maybe, you followed Him. You let Him lead, and you were content to walk behind. You prayed. You fought. And you fell.
Maybe, you heard the still small voice, but never answered. You saw the broken, and turned your head. Or maybe, you never even cared to look.
Maybe, you cared only for yourself. You were afraid of pain, and could not carry a cross. You ran from the nails, to a world of flesh.
"If You had not loved me first I would refuse You still........"
This is me.
The Enemy is fueled by lies. It was the lies about God's goodness that trapped Eve in the Garden. It was the lies that God would compromise His command that turned Saul's heart. Lies that God could not see everything baited Jonah. Lies that God was not there caused Manasseh to force child sacrifices on the nation of Israel.
The lies that we so often are attacked with today, that God cannot forgive. That you've fallen too far. That God could not want you, after all the times He's had to pick you up and set you back on track.
How often do we accept these lies, without a fight? I can't even count the times I have been afraid to approach the throne of God, because I have neglected it for so long. The Enemy knows our weakness, and preys upon it. "Do you have any right to ask for forgiveness AGAIN?"
But he is not the only one that knows weakness. Jesus Christ acknowledges it intimately. He came down to earth, and felt it. Our God is not the frowning, unapproachable overlord that so many portray him to be. He understands our weakness, and always has. Look at this passage from Exodus:
17 When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle.
-Exodus 13:17-18
Think about the context behind this. God has just sent ten unbelievable, supernatural plagues into the midst of the Egyptians. He has freed a people held in bondage for centuries. He has spoken with them. He has brought an insurmountable victory. They have seen it.
Yet their faith is still weak. They think they are strong... they're even ready for battle, to fight anything that would stand against them in the strength of their God.
His response? He does not grow angry at their weakness. He does not shake his head in disappointment at their shallow battle cries. He does not force them to do something they cannot, though the way through the Philistine country is shorter.
Instead, He gently picks them up, and carries them. He calls them out, to build them. He is willing to take the longer route to His promise, so they can make it. He knows their weakness, but loves them the same.
Our God meets us where we are. He doesn't expect more from us than what we can give. He knows our weakness. No, He's not satisfied with it. As Christian leader Joanna Weaver put it: "God loves me where I am, but He loves me too much to leave me there." He is waiting to build us. He is our leader, who will take us to victory. The promise will be reached. But He will not force us to go alone. God didn't have to lead the Israelites. He could have just waited at the Promised Land for them to come to Him. He could just wait for us to come to Him, and be strong. But He doesn't.... He comes to us. He left Heaven, to show us the way into the Promise. And no matter how many times we fall, He will pick us back up, and continue to lead us.
Think about Exodus 13..... the Israelites had not yet fallen from God. But He knew they would. And He chose them anyway. So often, I think we wonder how God could still want us after all the times we've fallen. But God knew, even before we were born, that we would fall. He knew every mistake, and every shortcoming. He knew every time we would pray for selfish gain, and every time we would forget to pray. He knew every battle we would fight for the flesh, and every battle we would neglect for His Kingdom. He knew every sinful thought we thought, and every brave-hearted, pure thought we tried not to think about, for fear of pain. He knew it all. And yet He still reaches out....
"Do not fear... I have called You by name."
-Isaiah 43:1
Jesus is not a leader who will tolerate weakness..... He loves us too much to leave us in it. He longs to give us strength. But He will not force it upon us. Instead, He gently takes us by the hand, and shows us how to walk. And when we fall, He smiles softly and picks us back up.
I would encourage you not to pretend to be strong if you're not. Don't approach God with a front, to impress Him. Don't try to purify yourself before you come to Him. Come as you are, and let Him purge you. He will not force you down a path you are too weak to take. He has promised to give you strength. He does not command that you meet Him where He is, although He longs to take you there... He comes down, and meets you were YOU are. The way to the Promised Land may be long. But He's willing to lead you down every step, until you see it.