Glimpses: The Beloved (Part 2)

34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

-Matthew 22:34-40

Churches constantly talk about this commandment. We hear about it, and we sing about it all the time. But how can we actually live it?  Over the past couple weeks, God has been awakening my heart to the idea of loving Him, and I wanted to share some of what He's been teaching me in this area.

Let me start at the beginning. A few months ago, Christine, my mom, Kate and I attended the Friday night opening of a digital streaming of Leslie Ludy's 2014 Set-Apart Girl Conference. It was an incredible evening in so many ways, but the moment that stood out to me the most was at the very end, about surrendering to Christ. My heart was so stirred that weekend, I wondered how I could have ever not loved God. I felt so full of life and love, I didn't think I could ever be emptied again.

But over the summer, things were not as beautiful as they had been that June weekend. There were moments of distance between me and God, in which even just a simple prayer was a challenge I felt unfit to meet. In those moments, I would go back to the recording of that Friday night message from the conference, about once a month. The tender love of my King would overwhelm my heart, and I would rest in Him...... until I was emptied again.

This cycle continued for several weeks. Its intensity increased markedly over the past month, as I encountered challenges with my first college course, and unexpected failures. I found myself drifting further and further away from the heart of my Savior. I would remember back to those moments of intimacy in June, put in my headphones, and turn on the conference recording. But my heart was never invested. I was just looking for a quick fix, and a short cut back into the arms of Christ. I started letting my mind wander, as I listened to the recording more and more often. I would drift off in the middle of it, and wake up hours later realizing in horror that I had not come any closer to Him.

Two weeks ago, He led me to a new perspective on loving Him, and following the first and greatest commandment, in each of these areas:

The Mind

Sleep was becoming more and more of a problem for me in late September. After receiving a C on my first college physics test, the pressure to study and maintain a solid GPA became huge. My family was behind me all the way..... Mom even let us drop Economics for a few weeks so I could focus on physics. I came to the point where I was studying three or four hours a day for this one class, and still being unable to solve all the problems. In the past, the couple hours before bed that I set aside for God, from around 9:00-11:00pm, had always been a source of strength and rest. But I found that they were no longer marked by peace and growth. I would be up at night for hours, running physics problems through my head, unable to escape my own thoughts.

And then I read an article, entitled "The Marathon of Love". It specifically addressed the idea of seeking God with only our emotions. Emotion is a way of expressing love, but it's not love in its fullest form. Seeking only emotional experiences with God will leave us missing so much!  I began to realize that that was exactly what I had been searching for this whole time...... I kept using that recording to seek out an experience that would stir my emotions, but not my mind.

I took up the challenge of this article, and began to seek a love for God in my intellectual, and not just my emotional, life. I've started reading and journaling Wayne Grudem's  Systematic Theology and C.S. Lewis' The Weight of Glory in my devotional time. Before that week, I had read through parts of both of these books, and not been thrilled about either. Wayne Grudem had seemed to dry, and although I enjoyed elements of what C.S. Lewis had written, his thoughts overall took more time and energy to process than I was ready to give. But in taking these books up again, the Holy Spirit has opened incredible doors in my heart. Even from the first night of reading, Systematic Theology has captured my interest, and given me a deeper understanding of God's Word. The Weight of Glory has taken more time, but is becoming a personal favorite, and continues to shatter my mind with the wonder of God's nature!!  Combining these books with worship music and prayer has been a source of strength to my spiritual life, and is taking me deeper than I ever thought it could.

Over the past week, my mind has experienced so much more peace and joy!  My thoughts at night are no longer captivated so often with physics problems and earthly concerns, but with the mysteries of God's nature. He is teaching me to love Him with my intellect, and not just my emotions, and it is truly beautiful!


The Soul

The soul of a human is a fascinating concept. It is the immaterial and ultimately immortal part of our being. The command to love God with our souls is a command to love Him with our lives themselves. Loving God with my soul has not been an easy process..... when you invite Him into your life, He will come in, and He will change you. In the words of Joanna Weaver, "God loves me where I am, but He loves me too much to leave me there." 

A year ago, I walked through a process that some of you may have heard me mention, called "Cleaning out the Sanctuary".  Last week, I decided it was time to walk through the process a second time, and allow the Holy Spirit to purge me of myself, and truly open my life to God's purposes. Cleaning the Sanctuary has been a huge part of my growing walk with Christ. He is leading me in different areas, asking for control, and teaching me to surrender, and love Him with the very way I lead my life. The most recent adventure is the "Humility Training" that He is walking me through. Through prayer and keeping a journal of His progress in this area, I am slowly learning to step with Him, and not outside of His plan. The Humility Training is only one area, and I can tell already that there are going to be a lot more in the near future. Christianity is the greatest adventure possible, and embarking with your King of Kings on a journey across His endless frontier is something you can never regret!

The Heart

"Jesus lives inside my heart."  I think I had always heard, but never truly understood this statement. The heart holds a massive importance throughout scripture. It is the center of our longings and desires. In the weeks during my struggle with physics, I noticed more and more that my spiritual life was coming to the point where it was only a part of my life; it didn't define the essence of my being. It was just another box on the checklist. I wasn't seeking God with all that I was. I was not fighting to make Him the chief desire of my heart. To love God means to long for Him, and to seek Him.

Loving God with your heart is the center of everything else. Unless you desire Him, you are not going to seek Him with your mind and intellect. You are not going to surrender to Him with your life. When you start this journey, He may not be your first desire. But if you are willing, He will take you there. God delights to bring His children near to His heart. One line in the Set-Apart Girl Conference recording that has stayed with me specifically is: "If you long for Him, it's because He longs for you."  My life has been a testimony to the need for grace. And no matter how many times I fall, He reaches down, and teaches me how to walk again. He loves you. You are the desire of His heart. He cherished you to the point of death. And He is willing to teach us to love Him. I am realizing more and more deeply throughout this process that I do not know how to love God. I can't know, in my own strength. But He has proven faithful to show me.


I am not reaching blindly for a Light. The Light is guiding me to its source.