I Surrender

"God, I give this to You."

I can't count the number of times that that phrase has passed through my mind. I understood the value that surrender had, in the Christian life. And I thought I knew what it looked like to lay everything at the foot of the cross.

Recently, God turned my view of this topic on its head. It came through Galatians 2:20:

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."

I'd never thought about how directly the idea of surrender was tied to the concept of dying spiritually. Surrender seemed so simple; trust God to do what's best, and go on living life as if nothing has changed. Bringing death into the conversation is a little extreme, isn't it?

I have been crucified with Christ. I have laid it all at the foot of the cross. I have given up my life, in exchange for His. The old is gone; the new has come. My life is not my own; I have been bought with a price. I have surrendered.

Dying doesn't just mean laying your life down, only to go on living. The concept of death reflects the fact that, when you lay your life down, you don't get to pick it back up again. When you die, you don't get to keep your life. When you have been crucified, you can't just keep living as though nothing has changed.

And, when you have surrendered to Him, you don't get to take control again. Not if it's real surrender. Not if you've truly given everything to Him.

I wondered if that was why the thought terrified me so much, as I lay on the floor that night, wrestling with God. This wasn't just giving Him control of a moment, or a day. It wasn't even the sometimes vague concept of "giving Him control of my life". This was specific. It was my dream; it was THE dream, that I couldn't help but think about each day. I wanted it so much. The strange part, though, was that I was sure I had already given God control of it. I had prayed so many prayers, "surrendering" it into His hands. But that night, He took me deeper. In the past, I had given my dream to God, so that He could fulfill it for me, in the right way. That night, He laid a challenging question on my heart: What if I don't fulfill it?  It wasn't a completely new idea, but it hit me so hard. Surrender became so much more than just telling God He had control. It meant laying down my thoughts, and the way I believed I had a "right" to this dream. It required giving it up, in the full expectation that God would take it away.

Sometimes, surrender feels freeing. But, if I'm completely honest, that's not what I felt that night. I felt pain, as though someone had taken a knife to my soul. Yet, in the midst of it, there was something greater. I felt rest. His presence was with me, holding me. It didn't stop the pain... somehow, it didn't need to. The peace that came in knowing He would do what was best for me stood above any feelings.

I crucified my control that night. And the very next morning, it was back. I wanted that dream. My flesh wasn't going to let go that easily. I had to take it before God again, in surrender. The next day, it came again. And the next. All week, that which I laid down kept trying to come back, to take control.

I. Die. Daily.

Crucifying your flesh is not a one-time process. It's going to keep coming back. Surrender is a daily, moment-by-moment process. And, most times, it hurts to give God control. We think we know what's in our best interests, and it is so tempting to fight that alone. But we only see this side of the battlefield; God sees the whole thing. He knows you, better than you know yourself. He has plans for you, and they are for good. As Pastor Eric Ludy put it, if we could only see one one-millionth of God's heart, we would beg him to come in and take control of our lives, holding nothing back.

I would encourage you to take some time this week, and take a deep look at your life. In what areas are you holding back from Him?  What would it look like to surrender it, completely?  And, more importantly, are you willing to surrender?

Because, when you do, you don't have control any more. But there is no safer place for your heart, than in the arms of the Lover.

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Worship Song: 

"Take My Heart",
by Misty Edwards