But part of me wonders if surrender is so hard because we make it so easy. A year ago, God called me to surrender a very specific dream into His hands. And I thought I did; whenever I started to reflect on what I wanted, I would always try to pray, God, I leave this in Your hands. But a month or so into this process, God showed me that this was not surrender at all. Yes, I was telling God that I was leaving it in His hands...but I only did that because I was so sure that He would bring it to completion. I wanted that dream so much, and it seemed so right, that I couldn't understand how God could withhold it from me. So I had no problem leaving it in His hands, because I was sure He wouldn't take it away.
The question He laid on my heart as as simple as it was terrifying; what if He did take it away? Would I truly be abandoned to His will with a full heart? Or was I just trying to put a Christian label on the situation, in an attempt to justify the fact that I had taken my life into my own hands?
Surrender is a difficult concept. It requires us to put our entire lives in the hands of a God we can't see, and trust that He knows what's best for us. And it can be so tempting to wonder if God, who is timeless and has "been around" for thousands of chronological years, really knows what will help us. It's so easy to believe the lie that we know more about ourselves than He does. That was a mindset I struggled with for awhile. But if that's your perspective, I would encourage you to go read Job 38 and reflect on the vastness of God. And ask yourself, where were you when He laid the foundations of the earth? Have you seen the dwelling place of light? Have the gates of death been revealed to you?
God created your heart, and He knows what it truly needs. I am at a point in my life where I am changing a lot; my personality is evolving, my interests are developing, my thoughts are deepening, and I am not completely sure who I am yet. But there is so much rest in the fact that God knows who He created me to be. He knows the kind of person He is building me into, and He knows which passions need to drive my interests.
Honestly, I wish I had more to say on this topic, but this something God is still teaching me. I would encourage you to press into His heart and let Him lead you to the place of surrender.
"You remind me of things forgotten,
You unwind me
until I'm totally undone,
And with your arms around me
Fear was no match for your love,
And now you've won me,
And I'm letting go."
-Steffany Gretzinger, "Letting Go"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Worship Song:
"Letting Go",
by Steffany Gretzinger (Bethel Music)
"Letting Go",
by Steffany Gretzinger (Bethel Music)
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