Flirting - A New Perspective

"Flirting is, in essence, drawing another person's 
attention toward you.

It is using your feminine power to entice another person to notice,

admire, or be attracted to you. It is putting your personality, 

body, humor, and wit on display--playing a game 
in which you score more points

the more positive attention you receive from 
the other person.

Flirting, at its core, is based in selfishness."

-Leslie Ludy

Something inside me choked when I first read these words. Maybe because it was so direct... maybe because I'd never viewed flirting as a game.............. But mostly because it had described the way I related to every single guy I knew. I couldn't think of a single one of my male friends that I hadn't acted this way toward. 

I had never consciously wanted to "flirt" with anyone. I'd tried to guard my physical interaction with guys, dress conservatively, and make sure I didn't encourage any stumbling when it came to boundaries. The physical side of my life was pure.

But what about my heart?  Behind the Christian front of my purity, the deeper part of me was busy making sure I was noticed. If I wasn't, I would try harder until it worked. If it didn't, I would often give up and decide that this particular guy must have a burning disposition against me, and there was nothing more I could do.

At the heart of flirting, we find Christianity's arch nemesis: The flesh. Flirting is about propelling your image, not conforming to His. It attempts to focus the gaze of others on ourselves, not on Christ. It lives a life that can only bring temporary satisfaction to us, and can have devastating results. Instead of being a strong and pure sister, flirting provides us with a path to manipulate, distract, and even tempt our brothers in Christ. Instead of encouraging them to chase Jesus, we're inviting them to chase us. When we decide to flirt, we're not only submitting to the voice of our flesh, but we're making it much easier for the guys around us to submit to the voice of theirs. 

When God confronted my heart about the fliratious attitudes I had carried with me for so many months, I was overwhelmed by a sense of guilt. I knew that some of the guys I had distracted had been making deliberate attempts to protect their hearts for their future wives, and pursue Jesus in a deeper way. Instead of strengthening them in this, I was becoming a weapon of the Enemy in their lives; I was more like the brazen woman who distracts and provokes the man depicted in Proverbs than the radiant portrayal of a set-apart woman in Proverbs 31. 

I sat down that night, and actually wrote a letter to my brothers in Christ that I had had this attitude toward the most. (No, I never gave it to them, and I'm never planning to, but it served as a great reminder to my heart.)  The letter apologized for trying to gain their attention, always wanting to be number one, for living under my flesh, and for the state of my heart. 

On the opposite spectrum there's the almost equally unbiblical attitude of avoiding certain guys altogether. The Bible calls us to be pure in our interactions with the opposite gender, but does not demand that we stop these interactions completely. Paul's letters encourage brothers and sisters to work together and strengthen each other in Christ. We are even called to correct each other. Obviously, admonishing in love requires some level of trust and friendship. God never designed us to avoid guys completely. 

I enjoy being around my guy friends. They're funny, and entertaining, and it does feel good to receive positive attention from them. But my goal is that, in these friendships, my heart would be selfless. I want the cross to gain more positive attention from them than I do. I want them to look at God more than they look at me, when we converse. I want Christ's life to radiate through me, and not just show off the simple, meaningless things that I have to offer in my own strength. My goal is to end the manipulation. To stop trying to turn their eyes. To encourage them with a pure heart in their walk with Jesus, and to be their sister in Christ, and not expect anything more. 

Join me?

Guest Article - Standing on Rock

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TUESDAY, MAY 20, 2014

STANDING ON ROCK

It’s amazing how tempting it can be to run anywhere but to God’s Word whenever we are struggling with doubt and confusion.  We often think we’ll find comfort and perspective in the words and ideas of our fellow humans instead of in the eternal Word of God. But human thoughts and ideas are only beneficial if they are in harmony with the timeless truth of Scripture.  All other ideas, notions, concepts, and suggestions are worthless.

For many years of my life, whenever I walked through a crisis or difficulty, it would plunge me into depression, doubt, or blurriness.  Spiritually speaking, I couldn’t see which end was up.  I felt like I was standing on unstable sandy ground.  I began to question God’s love for me and wallow in confusion.  Trials seemed to only drive me further away from Him and make me feel uncertain about certain aspects of my Christian faith.  I would try to “process” through my confusion with others or seek advice through various self-help books or counseling.  And though I sometimes received a good suggestion here or there, I never found the unshakable clarity I was craving.

But then God awakened Eric and I to a principle which has completely altered the way we respond to difficulties…learning to stand firmly upon the Rock of Truth. Now, whenever we are hit with confusion, uncertainty, or difficulties, we’ve learned to immediately search the Word of God for answers.  And when we find them, we reckon them as fact, no matter what our current feelings, past experiences, or present circumstances may say.

For example, there have been times when we’ve been falsely accused and threatened by people we once trusted.  In those times, the emotions of fear(what if they act upon their threats?), doubt (if they hate me so much, does God still love me?), and confusion (why would God allow this to happen?) are extremely loud.  But we have become confident in the fact that we will gain clear, Heavenly perspective by taking time to deliberately put “rock beneath our feet” by standing on the Truth of God’s Word. 

To answer the fearful question “what if they act upon their threats?” we remember the promises of God’s protection in Scripture such as “no weapon formed against you shall prosper” and “you will surround the righteous with favor as with a shield” (Is 54:17a, Psalm 5:12) .  The more the voice of fear seeks to distract us, the more we meditate upon the reality that we are under the shadow of His wings.  And soon, our fear is replaced with peace. 

To answer the question, “if they hate me, does God still love me?” we remember that false accusation for Christ’s sake is actually an honor and a cause for rejoicing. (Luke 6:22-23)  And even though we may be tempted to doubt God’s love for us when false accusation comes our way, we choose to stand upon the fact that His Word says the opposite.  And soon, our doubt is replaced with faith. 

To answer the question, “how could God allow this to happen?” we remember promises such as “all things work together for good…” (Rom 8:28) and “what the enemy means for evil, God will turn to good” (Gen 20:30).  We begin to stand firm upon the reality that God will turn everything that the enemy means to harm us into something that will bless and benefit us, even if we can’t see the end of the story right away.  And soon, our confusion is replaced with clear Heavenly perspective.

Time and time again, we have seen our circumstances and our emotions align with the Truth of God’s Word as we simply choose to agree with what God said.  But we have learned that we cannot wait for our feelings to agree with Scripture before taking it as fact.  Rather, we accept God’s Truth as fact and command our feelings to agree with it.

By applying this principle for many years, Eric and I are no longer like infants being “tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming” (Eph 4:14).  Confusion is gone, and clarity reigns in our hearts and minds.  Why?  Because we have rock beneath our feet.

If you can learn to stand upon the solid rock of God’s Word in every situation you face, you will not be vulnerable to the crafty distortion of Truth so common today.  When you are exposed to human ideas that do not agree with Scripture, you will be much quicker to recognize and renounce them in your soul.  And when the enemy tries to bait you with confusion, doubt, or despair, you will have a means to finding the clarity and Heavenly perspective you need.

Wallowing in doubt, confusion, and uncertainty is hip and trendy in modern Christianity.  Some churches even host what they call “Doubt Nights” - where everyone gets together and vents their doubts about God and His Word.  Confusion is celebrated today.  But what a miserable way to live!  Why would you choose to look at a distorted view of a sunset through a filthy window when you could look through a sparkling clean one instead and see it in all its breathtaking beauty?

If you are being blown here and there by every wind of teaching and overwhelmed by your own doubt and confusion, God is ready to plant your feet firmly upon the solid, immovable Rock - which is Jesus Christ Himself.  He is willing to replace your confusion for glorious clarity - if you are willing to take Him at His Word.

God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? (Num 23:19)

Written by Leslie Ludy

Taken from: http://www.setapartgirl.com/leslie-ludy/blog/05-20-14/standing-rock

Regret

"Hello, my name is Regret.

I'm pretty sure we have met,

Every single day of your life, 

I'm the whisper inside, 

that won't let you forget."

Regret. We've all felt it at some point, haven't we?  It can be so confusing, so degrading, so discouraging, and so inexplicable. My eyelids squeeze shut and my fists clench in desperate attempts to escape the thoughts. And yet it seems inescapable. 

How does regret play into the Christian life?  

Believe it or not, regret is not all bad. Regret shows us a wrong, and causes us to feel remorse for it. Regret will stop us from making the same mistakes again, because we know intrinsically that they were not of God. Regret shows us the mistakes of who we were. 

The problem comes in when we look at who we are. The lies of regret tell us that, because of our past, we are a failure. That we've fallen too far for healing. That our mistakes define our being. 

A few months ago, I went through a painful season of regret. The way I had been living my life had torn me down, and I didn't know how to get back up. Regret had shown me that pursuing myself had led to impurity in my heart, wasted time, and scars on the hearts of some of my friends that my selfishness had inflicted. I knew I had been wrong. I knew I didn't want to go back. But somehow, I couldn't go on....... until, in November, God showed me something beautiful. This is an excerpt of what I wrote in my prayer journal the night he did:

"Nails of agony and guilt pierce my soul, as I look back. How I sought myself above anyone else. How God was one of the last things on my mind. How I threw away everything that should have mattered for the things that didn't. 

The nails drive in more deeply as I think of everyone who saw me.

The strained relationships, the wounded hearts, the shallow conversations, the uncomfortable meetings.

I want to get up, but the nails are holding me fast to the ground. There is nothing I can do.

So I writhe in pain on the cold ground. Wishing I could have lived differently. Longing to have it to do over again. Writhing. Agonizing. Dying by the nails I drove into my own soul.

Unintentional suicide. 

Then, some unknown force gently turns my eyes toward my wrists. The place where the nails had been. 

There's nothing there.

Not even a scratch. The nails... the scars... the restraints... are completely gone. 

That's when I realize that nothing is holding me down. I'm free. The writhing... the regret... the DEATH is over.

And then I see the nails.

My iron nails, that I created by my own actions. That belonged in my soul. 

My nails are in the wrists of the Son of God.

Tears of joy and thankfulness should have been pouring from my eyes... but I'm numb. I can hardly even breathe in the surrealness of the moment. 

Jesus took my nails.

And they killed him. My nails caused the death of my Savior.

But death couldn't hold Him.

The element of truth in regret is that we used to be broken sinners, defined by the mistakes with which we flooded or lives. The lie of regret is that we're still that person, and can never escape the mistakes. The lie of regret is that the nails that we created are still in our wrists. The lie of regret is that the work of the cross was not enough. In the words of Bon Goff: 

"Every time we believe the lie that we are who we used to be, we roll the stone back into place like nothing happened." 

Regret shows us who we used to be, not who we are. On this side of the cross, the nails are no longer in our wrists. Yes, we made mistakes. Yes, we chained ourselves to a prison of sin. But He took the chains. He took the nails. They killed Him. But love was too strong to hold Him down. 

On this side of the cross, we are bought with a price. We are slaves adopted as sons. We are heirs to His glory. Regret shows us that we were wrong, and, when approached through God's eyes, removes us from the path of death. But we were not meant to live in regret. We are not who we were. 

Hello, my name is Child of the One True King,

I've been saved, 

I've been changed,

I have been set free!!!

Amazing grace is the song I sing.

I am the Child of the One True King.

The Open Door

Regionals was such an interesting tournament, wasn't it?  For me, it was a blast in a lot of ways, and I had so much fun getting to catch up with some amazing people and engage in some great conversations. But it definitely had its low points. The second day of the tournament was one of the lowest of all. I felt distant from God all day, and I could feel Enemy forces moving into my heart with different things that were going on. After the banquet, we tried to wind down by watching a few Duck Dynasty episodes, but even Si Robertson's hilarious antics couldn't ease the tension in my heart. It kept me up all night, and at 5:55 Thursday morning, I opened my eyes and almost started crying, dreading the day that was to come.

That morning at breakfast, I decided I needed to re-focus everything. So I went to the back of the breakfast room at a table by myself, pulled out a notebook, and wrote myself a letter. I wrote verses about strongholds, and fighting. I prayed that God would give me the courage to tear down the fortresses Satan was trying to set up within me. And then, I wrote down another verse from Revelation 3. Even as I was writing it, I wasn't sure why. It had nothing to do with fighting, but it was the only verse that came to mind in that moment. So I wrote it down, and slipped it in my bag. That day, God did tear down the strongholds in my heart. But even after that, He had something bigger in mind.

Saturday morning breaks were announced, and I was excited to hear my name called with some of my closest friends for apologetics. As I waited outside my semi-final room, I felt my stomach turning. Finally, it was my turn. I walked up the stairs, whispering Psalm 16 to myself....... "I saw the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

The speech I gave that round was the worst I had presented all season. I stepped out of the room, and sat down on the top step for a few seconds, afraid to face any well-meaning friends asking how the round had gone. As I felt my inner-introvert kicking in, I knew I had to get outside by myself. So I grabbed the letter I had written the morning before, and stepped out of the building. As I walked slowly around the sidewalk, I read the letter to myself. Strength, fighting, a warrior-like heart, tearing down strongholds........ God, I tried!  Yesterday, you tore down the stronghold, I thought I was going to be okay. Why does he have to keep tearing ME down?!  Is this from you?  God, I want you to stir hearts with my words, I don't want to be done.

My mind drifted back to my spiritual wrestling Monday night before we left for Iowa, and the notes I had jotted down in my prayer journal. Entreating God to use me, and let me win just one heart-battle that week. Praising Him for knowing what topics I would draw, and for holding the results in His hands even though they had not yet passed through mine. Resting in Him. One phrase stood out in my memory....

"The pre-decided 'Yes, Lord.' "

The pre-decided  "Yes, Lord" was a term I'd heard in an online Ellerslie sermon called "The Patriot", which had inspired me beyond imagination. I'd prayed that God would give me a resolve to have it all throughout that week. Now that I was faced with what I was sure was the end of my tournament, it was becoming harder. But looking back at my motives outside my last round, I was really having to question my focus. I had gone into that apologetics round with the intention of impressing. Maybe that all-in resolve to fight for God's glory and only His, to bring His kingdom and accept His plans, to follow wherever He led..... that pre-decided "Yes, Lord".... wasn't as alive as I had thought. I wish I had it back. I wish I had my resolve for His kingdom back. I wish I had the strength to fight. God, I just want to touch someone. I want to win that heart-fight. 

I looked down at my letter, and read the following words from Revelation 3:8:

   "I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

My knees were almost shaking as I stopped walking and looked up. It was as if Jesus Himself had come down to meet me, and whispered those words to my heart. There was still an open door.

Maybe someone else in that position would have thought that meant I would be advancing to the next round. Maybe they would have thought that the speech hadn't sounded as bad from the judge's table. But when I heard that verse, my mind wasn't even on the round. Breaks were suddenly out of the picture. I could only think of one thing, as my heart fluttered in my chest..... He still has an open door. That no one can shut. He is not done with me.

I hesitated to bring up that story this week, because I don't want anyone to misinterpret why I'm talking about it. Yes, God did take me to finals, and did give me another chance to share the story of a girl in China named Jia, whose life was changed by Jesus. Yes, He did give me a chance to pick up three more ballots. But that's not what mattered.

Because that wasn't the door.

Apologetics finals, impromptu finals, debate finals, humorous finals, open finals, or even national finals are not inherently beautiful. Think about it.......... it's a group of highschoolers, with a few distinguished adults in charge, who are each gifted in speaking, and who are fighting for plastic trophies and respect from their fellow competitors. We're fighting to walk across the stage, receive our rewards, and stand in front of the poperazzi in our little suits. And I can't condemn that longing, because so often that consumes the essence of my tournament experience.

But at each tournament this year, God has been teaching me something different. Whether it was how to bleed His love, at the Minnesota qualifier, a call to search more deeply for Him, in Kansas, or an affection so deep that it can free me from my chains, at the MN Open, it all comes down to the cross.

And this tournament, I realized that the cross is a door. An open door. That no one can shut.

And that door touches hearts. That bleeds over them, it reaches out to find them, and it frees them. The door does not open to a ballot, or a trophy...... the one that opens to a heart. The open door was the heart of the heart of the judge from finals that intentionally came up to me and told me I had inspired her faith. The open door was in the eyes of a friend, where the tears fell selflessly for her sister. The open door was in the hands that held mine as we prayed. The open door was in the smile that never let up on me. The open door was in the little feet that shuffled shyly as her little five-year-old voice told me her name. The open door was in the kindness of a friend, who was willing to genuinely listen for as long as it took.

A lot of people left this tournament feeling excited about their results. Others are still anticipating roll-down or at-large calls. Some are disappointed and hurting from broken dreams that seem outside of God's plan. But no matter where you stand, never forget that His words weren't just to me. As Eric Ludy says, "My God has promised, and He cannot lie!!"

And He has placed before you an open door. A door that no one..... whether it's disappointing ballots, confused judges, lost nationals slots, or the forces of Hell itself..... can shut.

Beautiful Things

Yesterday was a beautiful day in Kansas City. I got out my roller blades, and headed out on the trail in our backyard to enjoy it. As the wind rippled around me, I could almost hear God's voice and see His hands in the trees and the glorious sky around me. It was beautiful.

Have you ever fixed your heart on something?

Not just thought about it, not just admired it, not just praised it and not even just spent time learning about it more deeply...... but truly set your eyes on it?  Have your heartstrings ever become so tangled in something that nothing could pull you away?

Focus is difficult. A couple weeks ago, Joshua Kawase and I had been having a very energetic conversation at our apologetics Bible study, at the end of which we jokingly "decided" that we both had ADD [Attention Deficit Disorder] because neither of us could focus on anything. Although this was on a more humorous note, I have noticed that focus is almost impossible without a fighting effort.

How many times have you ever fixed your heart on God?

What does it mean to fix your heart on something?  Last summer, I was talking to Anna Bell about this idea, and one point in the conversation really stood out to me: "You know, if you really love someone that much, you can't get them off your mind. No matter how hard you try. You watch a movie, and you're subconsciously making connections between the story plot and them. You hear their name and your heart can't stand still. You find out they're on the other side of the world, and suddenly you're there, too."

When love controls the relationship, focus no longer has to be a struggle. You can't help but focus on it. Think about some of those things...... when you watch a movie, even if it's not a Christian film, do you watch for God's hand in it?  When you hear His name, does it stir your heart?  When you find out He's on the other side of the world in a third-world nation, are you there, too?  Does your heart fill with His burdens, to the extent that you would take up a cross and go to Bangladesh if that's where your Beloved was?

Focus has always been hard during my devotional time. A few weeks ago, my distraction levels were really beginning to skyrocket. Every time I would sit down to pray, my mind would always wander to what other people might be doing at that moment, the funny things that so-and-so had said that day, or what in the world I was going to wear to the Regionals banquet. I couldn't focus on God without thoughts of something else creeping in. My friend asked me how my prayer life was going, and I admitted that weeds of distraction had really been overtaking my garden. She suggested turning on some quiet worship music during my devotional time. "Just be enamored by the presence of God!  Reflect on Him, and love Him and just spend time in His arms listening to His voice. I can't wait for Heaven ever since I started doing that, because that's what it's going to be like every day!" 

Yesterday, on my roller blades, I realized for maybe the first time that focus isn't even always a fight when it's controlled by love. I didn't have to make a conscious effort to THINK OF NOTHING BUT GOD and if you think of anything else YOU ARE A FAILURE, as I had been telling myself before. I was in love with Him. In that moment, I didn't need to focus on anything else.

I think this is the fourth week in a row that I've talked about the life of a Catholic saint in a devotional, and I realized I probably have a lot of you questioning my affiliation with Protestantism at this point..... so!  I promise to use a Protestant example next week. ;)  But I think Pope John Paul II really lived this kind of focus out more realistically than anyone I've heard of. Catholic author Matthew Kelly wrote that, after receiving communion, the Pope would kneel down, and "disappear" into a deep place within himself. He was so enamored with the presence of God in that moment that, even in the middle of a loud football stadium with thousands of people around him, he could find that quiet place inside is heart where is Beloved was. And when he was in that place, nothing could ever pull him away. After all, why would you become distracted by something a human said when you were in the presence of God Himself?  Mother Theresa also seemed to have found this quiet place within herself, where her King was. No matter where she was, she was never afraid to pray, and never too distracted to spend time focusing on the one she loved. This time with her Creator was the source of her strength. It was through this that she was truly able to love the people around her; to truly see each person as Christ and be able to invest her life in them, even if it was just one.

Have you ever thought about the fact that there is the same quiet place within your heart?  Maybe you've never unlocked it, or maybe your heart is so filled with noise and distractions that you've never been able to embrace its solitude, but it's there. You only have to discover it. Your God created it, and He knows exactly where it is. He has beautiful things in store for those who find it, and is willing to show the way to anyone who asks.

In two days, the largest region-wide tournament of the 2014 season is going to begin. What do you want to accomplish?  What are your goals?  Are you after anything deeper than just a slot to the next tournament, or a little commemorative trophy?

If you have time, I'd encourage you to revisit a couple of these devotionals from our Tournaments 101 series as you're thinking about your goals:

Reach!  (by Patience)

Why Did I Say That? (joint effort of Hannah and Gentle)

Glorifying God (by Hannah)

Look Outside (by Ellen)

The Calling: A Reflection on My Heart (poem by Magali)

Victorious (by Hannah)

This week, each one of us has a unique opportunity to leave a lasting fingerprint on someone else's heart. God has beautiful things in store for you, if you allow Him to unlock them.

Can you think of anything more precious and beautiful than nearness to the heart of God?  He's willing to bring that to you this week, if you reach for it. I would encourage you to make it one of your goals to focus on God; that's at the top of my list. But as you're doing that, don't exert your efforts into thinking about nothing but Him..... pour yourself into loving Him.

I can't wait to see what happens when you do!!!

"I found the one my heart loves;

I held Him, and would not let Him go."