Regret

"Hello, my name is Regret.

I'm pretty sure we have met,

Every single day of your life, 

I'm the whisper inside, 

that won't let you forget."

Regret. We've all felt it at some point, haven't we?  It can be so confusing, so degrading, so discouraging, and so inexplicable. My eyelids squeeze shut and my fists clench in desperate attempts to escape the thoughts. And yet it seems inescapable. 

How does regret play into the Christian life?  

Believe it or not, regret is not all bad. Regret shows us a wrong, and causes us to feel remorse for it. Regret will stop us from making the same mistakes again, because we know intrinsically that they were not of God. Regret shows us the mistakes of who we were. 

The problem comes in when we look at who we are. The lies of regret tell us that, because of our past, we are a failure. That we've fallen too far for healing. That our mistakes define our being. 

A few months ago, I went through a painful season of regret. The way I had been living my life had torn me down, and I didn't know how to get back up. Regret had shown me that pursuing myself had led to impurity in my heart, wasted time, and scars on the hearts of some of my friends that my selfishness had inflicted. I knew I had been wrong. I knew I didn't want to go back. But somehow, I couldn't go on....... until, in November, God showed me something beautiful. This is an excerpt of what I wrote in my prayer journal the night he did:

"Nails of agony and guilt pierce my soul, as I look back. How I sought myself above anyone else. How God was one of the last things on my mind. How I threw away everything that should have mattered for the things that didn't. 

The nails drive in more deeply as I think of everyone who saw me.

The strained relationships, the wounded hearts, the shallow conversations, the uncomfortable meetings.

I want to get up, but the nails are holding me fast to the ground. There is nothing I can do.

So I writhe in pain on the cold ground. Wishing I could have lived differently. Longing to have it to do over again. Writhing. Agonizing. Dying by the nails I drove into my own soul.

Unintentional suicide. 

Then, some unknown force gently turns my eyes toward my wrists. The place where the nails had been. 

There's nothing there.

Not even a scratch. The nails... the scars... the restraints... are completely gone. 

That's when I realize that nothing is holding me down. I'm free. The writhing... the regret... the DEATH is over.

And then I see the nails.

My iron nails, that I created by my own actions. That belonged in my soul. 

My nails are in the wrists of the Son of God.

Tears of joy and thankfulness should have been pouring from my eyes... but I'm numb. I can hardly even breathe in the surrealness of the moment. 

Jesus took my nails.

And they killed him. My nails caused the death of my Savior.

But death couldn't hold Him.

The element of truth in regret is that we used to be broken sinners, defined by the mistakes with which we flooded or lives. The lie of regret is that we're still that person, and can never escape the mistakes. The lie of regret is that the nails that we created are still in our wrists. The lie of regret is that the work of the cross was not enough. In the words of Bon Goff: 

"Every time we believe the lie that we are who we used to be, we roll the stone back into place like nothing happened." 

Regret shows us who we used to be, not who we are. On this side of the cross, the nails are no longer in our wrists. Yes, we made mistakes. Yes, we chained ourselves to a prison of sin. But He took the chains. He took the nails. They killed Him. But love was too strong to hold Him down. 

On this side of the cross, we are bought with a price. We are slaves adopted as sons. We are heirs to His glory. Regret shows us that we were wrong, and, when approached through God's eyes, removes us from the path of death. But we were not meant to live in regret. We are not who we were. 

Hello, my name is Child of the One True King,

I've been saved, 

I've been changed,

I have been set free!!!

Amazing grace is the song I sing.

I am the Child of the One True King.