Live Beyond

How many times have you set your heart to focus outward?  I've tried it so many times. Sometimes, there is grace and it strengthens people. Oftentimes, I brush past the work He has given me to do, in pursuit of myself.

Why? Because I am a person of need. I am broken. I have my issues. I have wants.

It is so easy to say I'm going to focus on others. And I do want to reach out to those around me. But if I'm honest, there is a hierarchy in that situation... my needs have to be met first. If they're not, I am not able to help someone around me.

I want to be strong. I want to fight for those around me. But I am realizing more and more the weakness of my own heart. I am able to help others... until the Enemy opens my eyes to an unmet need in my own life. The funny thing is that the existence of my need doesn't remove the need of the people around me. But it removes me. It takes me away from what I set out to do, and turns me inward as I begin to see more and more of my own issues. Suddenly, I can't help but expect everyone else to see my needs, and help me.

Is there anything wrong with need?  Not necessarily; we were all made with a need for God. That need is a beautiful thing... it draws us closer to Him, and brings us deeper into the intimacy we were made for. Need, through this lens, puts humanity and all of its efforts in perspective. We are nothing without Christ. We need God, even when we don't realize it. Without Him, there would be no us. Every minute that we live is a minute that He breathed into our lungs. It is undeserved, and it is nothing we could have produced on our own. We need God.

I think it's really interesting how the world has distorted this idea. There seems to be a heavy emphasis on "need" in today's culture. People were designed to be filled; we were made for communion with God Himself. In every worldview, there is some sort of need. In America, our culture teaches us that we need to be secure in ourselves and who we are. In our closely-knit circles, with families that love us, we are blessed to be covered in a love and acceptance that many people can't even dream of. And yet I think we've grown to expect those things, instead of realizing that they are undeserved blessings. And when we feel their absence, or any presence of pain, our natural tendency is to turn inward, to somehow satisfy that need, and make sure we'll be okay.

Tournament season has started now, and I think it's a great example of how this can stretch us. I know that personally, I am so much more aware of my personal "needs" at tournaments. I need to have someone to talk to, and they need to be invested in the conversation because I AM IMPORTANT!!  I need to have sleep, and if I didn't get enough, I just can't go bless anyone else because I need to conserve my ENERGY, which is on an all-time low. I need to have good rounds and if I don't then the world is not a happy place anymore, and it is my job to go feel MISERABLE.  It's actually ridiculous to look at all the things I cling to, and believe that I need. It's exciting when people want to have an edifying conversation with me personally. It feels refreshing to get enough sleep. When rounds go well, it's encouraging. But the Enemy is able to do so much through this mindset, that I need these things to function. All he has to do is get it in my head that I have lost one of them, and suddenly, my focus is almost completely inward. Before I know it, I'm no longer looking for ways to reach out to others, and encourage them. I'm not reaching out as His hands and feet, because I'm so busy trying to untie my own limbs.

Jesus Christ carried a cross. If ever there was a moment of justifiable physical need, this was it. Roman torture methods were designed to induce intense bleeding, and innervate the neurological stimulation of the body to make the process of things like flogging as painful as possible. Many people who were meant to be crucified died before they even made contact with their crosses, because of this "pre-death", as the flogging was called. When He was nailed to the cross, the spikes were driven with just as much strategy, right through two of the largest nerves in the entire body. During crucifixion, the most strenuous task is simply continuing to breathe, and supporting your lungs as the weight of your body floods them.  And yet even in this moment of physical need in what He knew were His final hours of life, His focus was outward. He gave the disciple whom He loved to care for His mother. He reached out to the two thieves next to Him with His love. He forgave His oppressors. THIS is the man I follow.

He was in need more excruciating than we could even imagine, and yet His focus was fixed beyond His own concerns. He had set His heart outward, and He would not be moved, no matter how much He was hurt he experienced. And I am willing to let a bad round or a sleepless night hold me back, while existing under a Christian banner.....

I think it's time to stand up to Christianity for what it truly is. I want to see lives in which the barriers of the flesh are broken, and people do not even see their own needs and wants because they are so busy pouring out what they do have at the feet of Jesus as they serve those around them. I want to hear the cries in the night, of those who would pray and pour their hearts out at the foot of the cross, even when they "need" to be asleep. I want to feel the rush of the presence of God as it fills lives, overtakes existences, and heals the brokenness that has overtaken His beloved. And I need it to start with me, because I am the weakest. But the One within me is greater than he who is in the world.

Are you ready to live beyond?

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Worship Song: 

"Change This Heart" 

by Sidewalk Prophets

(quiet, devotional worship)

The Hidden Person of the Heart

You are the temple of God. Growing up in church, we all hear about this a lot. But how does the idea of being the temple of the Holy Spirit translate into the area of purity? 

In the Old Testament, the temple was treasured. It was beautiful. It was adorned for God, alone. Outward appearance didn't define the worth of the temple. There was no need to flaunt its attractions before the world. Its glory was not in its physical beauty, but in the fact that the very presence of the Creator and Lover of the entire Universe had descended within its gates.

More beautiful than what was visible in the temple were the elements of its courts that were concealed from public view. 1 Peter 3:4 calls it the "hidden person of the heart". In her book Set Apart Femininity, Leslie Ludy talks about veiling this hidden person, by looking at the different parts of the temple. This is a paraphrase of her thoughts:

The Holy of Holies

          This arena must never be shared or made open to the public, even to those of your most intimate circle...the Holy of Holies represents the most intimate and precious areas of the human soul and body. And this supremely sacred arena of the human life is preserved for God alone and able to be shared with a spouse under the parameters of the holy marriage covenant. The Holy of Holies includes such sacred things as intercourse and the deepest, most personal dimensions of the heart and mind. 

The Holy Place

           Like the Holy of Holies, this domain of the human life must not be shared with the public. However, it is accessible to more than just God and a spouse...Family and intimate friends can be allowed into this holy sector if they first prove honorable and upright. The holy place includes such sacred things as deeply personal expression and touch (nonsexual), dimensions of the heart and mind containing highly sensitive and sacred matters (hurts, vulnerabilities, fears, weaknesses, dreams, desires, longings). 

The Outer Court

          Like the Holy Place, this sacred arena of the human life is open to more than just a spouse in marriage... The outer court includes such sacred things as friendly touch, words of specific encouragement, character endorsements, intercessory prayer, friendships with believers, the teaching and discussing of doctrine, and communion. 

Most of us don't have a problem concealing the Holy of Holies. So how does this relate to purity?

Think about the way you interact with your guy friends. How much access do they have to your inner person?  Have you allowed any of them into the Holy Place of your heart?  Trusted guy friends should be welcome in your Outer Court. Relationships that involve encouragement, prayer, and friendly touch have the basis to be edifying and God-glorifying. But if we begin to unveil the deeper dimensions of our hidden person, this alters the relationship significantly. Are you really "just friends" with someone if you routinely unload your emotional burdens on them one-on-one?  Are you protecting the valued mystique God gave you as a woman if you are making the deeper dimensions of your heart available to those who should not be in your most trusted circle?

I think it's interesting how we often feel a draw to make our Holy Place known to the guys around us. Our culture has taught us the importance of sharing emotions and not carrying them all by ourselves. Often, we want to be able to give them a full emotional download. But, in pursuit of that longing, I think we often miss the Outer Court completely. Many of us have no problem pouring out our thoughts and desires to those around us. But do we encourage them?  Do we intercede for them?

The analogy of the temple and the three courts has really helped me in the way I relate to guys. I used to really struggle with wanting to "unload", emotionally, on some of my guy friends that I trusted. One friendship a few years ago was particularly unhealthy; it came to the point where I realized that this one friend knew more about me than almost anyone else. When I began to awaken to the idea of protecting my inner person, it really stretched me. I started to take those hurts, fears, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, dreams, longings and desires to the foot of the cross.... not just rattling them off in a prayer, but leaving them in His hands and pouring out my heart to Him. It felt strange, at first. But it was so beautiful. He is the only one strong enough to carry me, and He is faithful to do it.

Not only did protecting my Holy Place increase my trust, it also turned my focus outward in terms of relating to my guy friends. He opened my eyes to the beauty of the Outer Court that I had mostly skimmed over. Instead of looking for opportunities to share myself, He laid a burden on my heart to intercede for and encourage the people He had placed around me.

You are a temple. You are treasured and beautiful in His eyes; You are the dwelling place of Jesus. He cherishes the hidden person of your heart. Are you willing to let Him protect it?

This Is My Success

I planned success.

We pulled out of the driveway that Wednesday morning and began the long trek up to Minnesota. I kept myself busy listening to music, trying to keep my feet warm, and re-reading Congressional Research Service reports for debate. I was going to be ready to take down any case we confronted. And I wasn't only concerned with debate; I had a message to spread. God had laid a passion on my heart for Radical Islam, and the hope that He has for the sons of Ishmael. In my TP box, next to file folders of evidence, sat the outflow of that passion: a freshly typed out persuasive script, layered with statistics, pain and hope. I was so excited for the chance to enter this suburban mission field, and spread the message God had placed on my heart.

I planned success.  I wasn't focused on winning, I told myself. God could do whatever He wanted with me. I was ready to follow Him, no matter what. I wasn't prepared for how much that conviction would be challenged... Thursday morning, as we were getting ready to leave for the first day of competition, Mom received a phone call... Sarah was sick, and we would not be debating. In that moment, all I could think to cling to was Jesus. And in that moment, all I felt was peace. Peace mixed with disappointment.... but peace, just the same. I found out later that some of my friends had found out about Sarah as well, even before I had, and had been interceding for me at that exact moment.

Later that evening, I felt less strength than I had that morning over the situation. But I told myself it was okay. I still had my persuasive. I still had my message. I still had the chance to stir hearts and share my passion.

I planned success.  Persuasive breaks were called, and my name was not on the list. It hurt... as much as I told myself to "suck it up" and not give way to weakness, it hurt so much. I found a place by myself for a little while to listen to a worship song.....

"Let go, my soul,

And trust in Him.

The waves and wind

Still know His name."

I planned success.  And it did not come in the way I wanted. We didn't get a chance to run against a single case in debate. Persuasive judges questioned the relevance of my message. But He began a success than ran much more deeply.

The day before the Minnesota qualifier, I had taken a picture to remind myself why I was doing this to begin with:

I'm so surprised at how easily we can forget the things we set out to do..... this was the success I planned, even before we left. I convinced myself that this was my greatest good. And yet it wasn't my sole pursuit. I wanted to love Him... but maybe I wanted to be a big-name team in debate this year even more that week. God had to break so many things within me, to bring me back to what I had set out to do. In the end, only one thing remained. 

One of my last speeches at the tournament was an impromptu on "Poverty". As I thought about the topic afterwards, my mind drifted back to India... Poverty runs deep. Poverty is a void. We recognize poverty because we know there's something more. God's whisper to my heart: It isn't just in them; it's in you.  There was a void in my heart. A void that I didn't even know existed, because I wasn't thinking about the "something more" that was meant to fill it.

Think about your own life. There is an emptiness. Maybe you don't see it... maybe you're like me, filling it with so many other things that it feels like it's not even there. But there is a void. There is a poverty so deep that Jesus had to pour out His own blood to fill it. And yet He was willing to. He is the only one that can satisfy. The void was created when we turned from His heart, and it can only be filled when we come back to the place where we belong. 

It's strange how convincing the Enemy's lies can be. The one that terrifies me the most is the cover-up of a "good" Christian life. We can look like Christ-followers on the outside. We can read scripture, rattle off prayers at the right times, and meet the "spiritual requirements" we see fit. And then we can turn away from His heart, and fill our lives with emptiness. And we feel completely fine... until the ice breaks, and you realize how thin and meaningless it was to begin with. 

Insecurity is something I've really been awakened to so much this past week. What is strange is that some of the people who seem to have experienced the most insecurity were the people I never would have expected. They were the "good" Christians. And they were the ones who wondered if they were loved, questioned their identity, and even entered self-destructive life styles. Ultimately, the void cannot be filled by our own efforts. Our personal wants are going to fall short of fulfillment, even if they are met completely. Our achievements can't bring lasting satisfaction. Even our own attempts to become right with God can't heal the breach, outside of a true encounter with the love of Christ. We cannot fill the void. 

But His love can. His love is the only thing that satisfies.... and it is enough. We were made for more. 

"6  My soul is downcast within me;

    therefore I will remember you...
7 Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers

    have swept over me."

-Psalm 42:6-7

He planned success.  And I stand resolved... that I will pursue His success with my entire life, in His strength. 

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Worship Song: 

"You Satisfy My Soul" 

by Laura Hackett Park

(inspiring worship music)

Wake Within Me

It's an unusual habit. It started this summer... I decided to lay down on my floor for a few minutes, exhausted from absolutely nothing. And I woke up... two whole hours later. I wish I could say it's not a usual occurrence. But it's happened several times since then. A "few minutes" can easily be turned into several hours... all it takes is the persuasion of lethargy, and a comfortable spot. 

I wouldn't consider myself a napper. I've only slept during the day about three or four times in the past year. But man... being tired is a powerful excuse to fall asleep, even if you're supposed to be doing other things. It's strange how sleeping in broad daylight can interrupt everything else. You lose hours of time that could have been spent productively. And it's hard to just "wake up" and go back to normal right after a good hour of sleep. My brain is still trapped by lethargy for awhile after. Problems can get frustrating. People can get frustrating!  

One of these "sleep attacks" was specifically memorable. I had a dream that I was being attacked in a tiny room, and I had no voice to cry out. One entire wall of the room was made of glass, and on the other side of that glass, people were sitting, and reading magazines in a waiting room. Yet no one got up to help me. I wondered if they could see me at all. They would have been able to... if they had looked up. But not a single one did. 

The more I think about this, the more powerful the reminder becomes; the church cannot sleep in broad daylight. We can't let apathy overtake us, we can't just read our own magazines, and forget about the burdens on God's heart, and the people He loves that we could rescue, if we would just look up, and see what is happening on the other side of that glass wall that we ignore!  

I think the church in American has fallen into a deep, deadly sleep. How far have we fallen when a nation "under God" will not even pray in His name, over 2,000 voiceless, innocent children are killed every week, the slave trade is more alive than at any other time in history, countless children do not live with their biological fathers, people in our inner cities are shooting each other and going over to Iraq to fight, and when the church is filled with people who only follow Christ with their lives on Sunday?   This Friday, Christine and I went to the mall. I started listening to the lyrics of the song that was playing, and the words became so perverted that I had to put in my headphones and play something else on my phone. How weak is the church when morals like these can be standard, and Christians are content to sing along to the music?

I know... you are so tired of hearing this. You know how broken our nation is becoming statistically. But abortion has become politicized to such a degree that we don't even feel anymore. Issues like these are just stagnant numbers in our minds. They don't ignite the church to fight. 

I want you to stop right now, and try to feel a genuine agony for one of the injustices in our nation. Try as hard as you can. Let tears flow out. Scream if you want. Just try feel for these people. 

I tried for almost two years. It doesn't work, does it?  The Enemy has done an incredible job of numbing our hearts, and filling us with apathy. And human compassion cannot bring back the fire in our lives. 

For a long time, I wanted to feel pain for the Christians in Iraq being persecuted by ISIS. I read their stories, and I had compassion for them. I felt bad for them. I would stay up at nights thinking about it. It burdened me.... but I could go on with life just like usual five minutes after reading the news headlines about the atrocities. I couldn't make myself be truly heart broken for these people. 

That is, until I opened my heart to God. It happened at a very inopportune time.... no one ever said the Christian life was going to be socially convenient. It happened on a Friday afternoon, right as our club was dispersing for debate class. I went to the restroom to get a kleenex, and suddenly, in a way I can't explain, He opened the floodgates. I had wanted to feel His burden for these people. I had even prayed that I would be so burdened that I would not be able to function socially, because my heart was so broken over these people. I was not thinking about missing the first half hour of debate class when I prayed that prayer. But I had no regrets. Nothing has ever felt so freeing, as an awakening of Christ in my heart. Even if it comes with pain. Even if it means getting someone else's blood, sweat and tears all over you.... someone on the other side of the world that you have never met. It's beautiful, because it's real. It's not something you have to force yourself to feel. It's not something you have to fake. Because it's not of you... it's His heart awakening within you. 

Where are the watchmen on the wall, who would commune with His heart, and never sleep in broad daylight?  Where are the ones who would defend His people and carry His burdens?  

2015 is four days old, and full of new beginnings. Let this be the year, where you look back, and can say without the shadow of a doubt: He woke me up. 

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Worship Song: 

"Wake" 

by Hillsong Young and Free

(upbeat, uplifting praise)